Stardate, oh, wait, that’s pajama-boy talk.
We headed into one of our favorite ports, DS-9, and I was happy to learn from the station that a shipment had arrived for us.
Great! Our shipment of Mr. Zog’s Sex Wax had arrived. I notified my cargo crew chief, Kareless, to be ready to bring supplies on board.
With that in progress, and feeling good, I headed down to the Promenade and stop in at Quark’s Place for a little exercise. The 32 oz. curl variety. Time for some Blood Wine, or, at the very least, a few pints of Guinness. Besides, I had this recording of the Winter Soldier in a major league wipeout that I though Quark could run as part of his sports show on the view screens.
“Quark,” I said, “have I got a piece of media for your entertainment system!”
“Let me guess, more of Gremmie doing loop-de-loops?” he queried, somewhat sarcastically.
“No, better. Who’s that joker running for President of the Federation?”
“Which one?”
“The Ketchup King.”
“Oh, him. What about Kerry-Heinze?” Obviously, Quark had successfully figured out who wears the pants in that family.
“I ran into him surfing out around Ceti Alpha VI. Got the whole thing right here.”
“Yeah, so what. I hear he’s a great surfer.”
“Who from?” I had a hard time believing that Kerry could surf his way out of a cosmic cloud, especially after wiping out in that little ripple he set of.
“It was on the Subspace Transmission from the Federation Broadcast System.”
Of course! The FBS, or the BS for short. Great source of information, if it weren’t for the spin.
Quark went on, “they had him surfing out around Ceti Alpha VI, in a humongous wave such as even you, the Kahuna, have never seen the likes of before.”
“Oh really. Ceti Alpha VI, you say? Wouldn’t happen to have been around Stardate 64573.33, now would it?”
“Yeah, I think that’s right.” Quark looked more interested now. “What ‘cha got”
“We were there, and have the whole thing right here,” I tapped the memory crystal on the bar for emphasis, “for your viewing pleasure.”
“Really, now, and what’s so different from the BS broadcast.”
“Well, for one, he wiped out. Slammed right into one of his secret service interceptors accompanying him.” I definitely had Quark’s interest. He finally produced the long awaited tankard of Guinness.
“Do tell me more.”
He was hooked. I relayed to him the entire saga, from first contact by subspace to the main event. Quark was near hysterics, and I could see the dollar signs flashing before his eyes.
“I could have a special broadcast tonight. Let’s see, five bucks cover charge, two, no, three drink minimum. I’ll give you two barrels of Blood wine, my best, and 5 kegs of Guinness.”
“Throw in a case of Tribble Sweat, and you’ve got a deal.”
Quark thought about for a moment, looked at the memory crystal, and said, “Done! I like doing business with you Kahuna.” I passed the memory crystal over to him, he quickly pocketed it. “Now I have to get tonight’s wing-ding promoted and planned. Probably need a few more Dabo girls as well.”
I finished my Guinness, headed back to the ship. Kareless met me as I came back on board.
“Ah, Kahuna, the shipment wasn’t Mr. Zog’s Sex Wax.”
“It wasn’t? Then what did we get?”
“A case of ketchup…”
“Ketchup?! Now who would be sending us ketchup?”
“There was a note attached.” Kareless handed me the card that came with the case of ketchup.
It was from Kerry.
Hope you enjoy the ketchup. If you have any
recordings of my surfing at Ceti Alpha VI,
I would appreciate it if you destroyed them.J.F. Kerry
I contacted Quark and made reservations for the entire crew, and asked if he had any Sex Wax to trade for a case of ketchup.
Kahuna
