Captain’s Log, stardate, oh, wait, that’s pajama boy talk.
We were hanging out on the outskirts of the Altair system, waiting for Flipper Kerry to launch the first of his test torpedoes at Altair IV so we could record his gallant ride across the solar system on the resulting wave.
“Hey, Kahuna, how does my position look to you?” Flipper’s voice came over the subspace radio.
I analyzed his position on the main viewscreen, spotting the S.S. Winter Soldier amongst the small Secret Service escort ships that flitted about like so many deep space fireflies, decided he looked okay for a Feddie Wannabe. “Looking good, Flipper. Got the Ripple Ranger Mk 86 ready?”
“I have an intern briefing me on the user’s manual in five minutes. Then we’ll be all set.”
“You mean you haven’t read the manual?”
“Of course not. I have Congressional interns do all my reading for me. Then they give me a briefing hitting the high points of what I need to know in order to make a decision, and give me some recommendations. Then I either do what they recommend or I don’t. Sometimes I do both.”
“And now we know why they call him Flipper’,” I muttered. Quark was right. This should be good. Not as in good ride, but as in good laugh.
We hung out on the edge of the system, waiting, until we heard Flipper Kerry call out, “Fire when ready, Ridley.”
The Ripple Ranger streaked through the vacuum of space until it slammed in to Altair IV, with devastating effect. No more “monsters from the id” coming from that planet turned asteroid belt. The Ripple Ranger did its job, generating wave after wave of gentle ripples through space, providing easy rides for all bet the gremmiest of surfers. Like Flipper. for whom this would be a real challenge.
We watched (and recorded) the fun as Flipper maneuvered the Winter Soldier onto the leading wave, the swarm of secret service agents in their ships keeping in close enough to guard, and far enough out so that, hopefully, Flipper would not slam into one of them again.
The Winter Soldier went for the ride, and bobbed in and out of the wave as we could tell that Flipper was struggling to keep the ship under control. Instead of dazzling us with a display of expert surfing, we were treated to Flipper doing flips and turns and crazy stuff, and still managing to slam into his secret service escorts, much to their chagrin, as Flipper loudly cursed them for getting in his way.
After Flipper’s first ride ended with him scrapping the side of the Winter Soldier on one of the chunks of Altair IV, we could here him calling out. “Man, that was one tough wave. I need to do this again.”
“Again?”
“Yeah. Hey, Kahuna, how many of these things have you got with you, anyway?”
“I have two moredo you want to use them here, or head to Alderran?”
“I here Hoth is a really cool place.”
“Yeah, however, there’s a fleet of Star Destroyers there, and the 5th Imperial Armored Walkers are on the surface performing maneuvers. It may be better to head over to Alderran.”
“What ever you say, Kahuna. Just don’t transmit that vid to the Duras sisters until we’ve finished this tour and I have had a chance to review them. I want to make sure they get my best stuff.”
“No sweat, Flipper.” I suppose there is no need to tell him that it was broadcast live at Quark’s Bar on DS9.
Next stop, Alderran.
Kahuna out.
