Captain’s Log, Stardate, oh, wait, that’s pajama boy stuff.
Rambo Viterbo’s Millennium Albatross dropped out of hyperspace on the edge of the Alderaan system.
“That’s odd,” said Viterbo. “We’re in the right system, only one problem. No Alderaan.”
That’s when we smacked into the hyperwave filled with planetary debris. Chewie, Viterbo’s Mugato first mate, howled.
“What did he say,” I asked.
“Surf’s up!” was Viterbo’s response. “Looks like we found Alderaan. At least pieces of it.”
That’s when the tractor beam locked onto us. Try as we might, we couldn’t break free and found ourselves being pulled closer to a spherical shaped space station.
“I think we better run a few tricks and then hide in my smuggling compartments.”
The Mugato howled its decent. I agreed if it was looking for a straight on fight against impossible odds with the Emperor’s Red Shirts. Viterbo insisted we hide. I got stuck sharing a compartment with the fleabag. Chewie shared his with the R2 unit.
Once the Millennium Albatross was secured in the space station, it wasn’t long before they cracked the hatch and we heard the footsteps of dozens of Red Shirts clambering through the ship. After they departed, believing (to their relief) it had been abandoned, we cracked the plates on our hiding places, looked out at the bay to see if the coast was clear, then headed out.
“Well, here’s another fine mess you’ve gotten me into,” Viterbo said to the R2 unit. It plugged into a computer jack, let out a few whirs, and began to head to a turbo lift.
“What do you mean she’s here?” Viterbo asked the R2.
It whistled and whirred again. Viterbo and Chewie followed it to the lift. I figured I better tag along.
“What gives,” I asked Viterbo.
“The babe in the message. The R2 says she is a prisoner on board this space station. We need to rescue her.” Viterbo explained. He tapped the intercom, said, “Cell Block NCC-1701.” The lift began to move.
When the doors opened there were a number of Red Shirts waiting for us. They had their hands up and said, “Don’t hurt us, we’re unarmed.” Typical Red Shirts. Must have served with Captain Surrender.
We quickly found the cell that held this “babe” that Viterbo was hot for, released the door, and helped her out into the corridor. That’s when things went from bad to worse. Stormtroopers had arrived and were pouring their weapons fire down at us.
“Damn, now what’ll we do?” said Viterbo.
“You mean you haven’t got a plan to get us out of her,” screamed the girl. She grabbed Viterbo’s blaster, fired at a grate. She was about to jump through it when my communicator beeped.
Kahuna out.
