Stardate, oh, wait, that’s pajama boy talk.
We had been back from the surf tour with Flipper Kerry a couple of weeks, and I had been riding high on Quark’s generosity (meaning, I still had to buy my own drinks) for the high quality footage I delivered up to him, on Flipper Kerry’s attempt at product endorsement for the Duras Sisters. Things have grown tight as out-of-control prices for dilithium crystals hit all time highs.
Quark sidled up with a second round of Guinness and Tribble Sweat for me, and asked if I had been following the reports coming out of the Federation Senate.
“No. I take it you have.”
“Of course…good for business. And our friend Flipper has been very active there.”
“Oh?”
“Watch this,” Quark said, and activated a view screen in front of me and ran a transmission from the Federation Senate, courtesy of the Drazi News (Fair and Balanced)).
Green Drazi: Senator Flipper came on to the floor of the Senate today to speak out against “Big Dilithium” and the current high prices for raw dilithium crystals. After railing against “Big Dilithium” he called for a special tax on dilithium crystal companies, and called on Federation residents to cut their use of dilithium by at least 30%. Here comes the Senator now.
Purple Drazi: Senator Flipper, what do you see as the main driver of the high price of raw dilithium?
Flipper: That’s easy. As dilithium corporations are showing record profits, there is strong evidence of price gouging despite the current high prices of raw dilithium.
Green Drazi: What about opening up the Arctic Federation Wildlife Reserve on the ice planet Hoth for dilithium?
Flipper: Out of the question! Why should we invest billions of gold-pressed latinum for the six month supply of dilithium that may exist on Hoth. Besides, it would be detrimental to the wampa population.
Purple Drazi: Senator Flipper, according to the Federation Depatment of Energy, it is estimated that Hoth has enough dilithium to supply the Federation’s needs for several decades. Are you saying that the official reports are wrong?
Flipper: Well, you have to consider the source. They put that together to make the current adminstration look good, and play into the pockets of Big Dilithium, which we all know backs the president. Besides, we have to be concerned about the wampa population on Hoth. Do we want to drive them into extinction over corporate greed?
Green Drazi: What about the growing instability in regions within the Organization of Dilithium Exporting Empires, such as the Romulans and Cardassians, as well as the Delta Quadrant. By taping Hoth, and the AFWR, we would greatly reduce the Federation’s dependence on foreign dilithium, at least until those areas become more stable, and maybe Federationized.
Flipper: I have to disagree with you on the importance of the geopolitical impact on our current dilithium supplies. Gotta go. I hear the surf is up out around Dantooine.
Quark turned off the viewer. “So, Kahuna, what do you think?”
“Business as usual. The leftwing nuts kowtow to the environmentalist lobby, buying their load of tauntaun about the wampa’s, which statistics show that their numbers increased during the several decades that dilithium mining took place on the neighboring Rebel Stand site.”
“Right…and then there’s San Fran Nan calling to change starship propulsion to run on something involving balloons and hot air.”
“I think she was referring to bloviating blimps like Flipper’s pal from Chappaquiddick.”
“Oh, Teddy.”
“That’s the one.”
“Naw, I think she was referring to something else. I’ll try and dig it up for you sometime.”
“Sure…meanwhile, I have a date.” With that, I laid some latinum on the bar and headed to Tunok’s for a very larger grilled wampa steak.
Kahna out.
