Stardate, oh wait, that’s Pajama Boy talk.
There is an old Klingon proverb that states “Revenge is a dish best served cold.” I can’t think of any place colder than deep space, and so I made my plans.
I contacted the Duras Sisters, and arranged to rendezvous with them at Rua Penthe, where we would do a bit of trading. They were surprised at my request for a Ripple Wrangler, their lowest capacity wave maker, designed for gremmies and novice stellar surfers, insisted that as part of the deal for the 500 cases of ketchup, with a load of caviar and champagne thrown in, that I tell them what I wanted it for. I suppose it didn’t help when I told them that I wanted it setup to resemble a Duras Sisters Primo Supremo Wave Maker Torpedo. They figured I had to be up to something special. So I had to tell them I was planning a little revenge on someone who did me a dirty trade. They accepted my explanation, and agreed to the deal.
After that, I headed down to Quark’s place for a pint and a chaser before leaving port, and casually let it slip that I was picking up a couple of fresh torpedoes from Lursa and B’Etor, but not to let it circulate to widely. These things are so hot, they are next to impossible to get, unless you are me, and know the sisters.
Once we arrived at Rua Penthe, and rendezvoused with the Duras Sisters, they came on board for a few rounds of Blood Wine, and they pressured me into spilling the whole scenario to them.
“So,” Lursa said, “Flipper slipped you a load of ketchup instead of wax, and you plan to get even. That’s it?”
“Well…” I wasn’t sure if I wanted to give them whole, complete, setup. But the Blood Wine had me relaxed, so I gave it to them. “Flipper can’t surf even half as well as Gremmie. So, I thought I’d record some classic footage, and swing back to Quark’s for a special showing and victory party.”
“Okay, Kahuna, but we want to come along for the fun,” Lursa and B’Etor insisted.
“Deal. Your ship or mine?”
“Too many ships might have him thinking something is up. We’ll ride with you, and send ours over to DS9,” Lursa responded.
And so it was that I found myself hanging out at Rigel VII, waiting for Flipper to show up in the Winter Soldier, and a small fleet of Secret Service escort ships. I figured that Quark must have told at least a hundred people by sub-space that I had some new torpedoes, and might be willing to part with one.
I was right. It wasn’t long before we were hailed by the Winter Soldier, and Flipper came up on the screen, looking like Mr. Homn. “Ah, Kahuna, so good to see you again,” came his greeting. Yeah right!
“What brings you out around Rigel, Flipper.”
“Looking to catch some hot waves. Hey, I hear you have some Duras Sisters Primo Supremo Wave Maker Torpedoes. Any chance of trading for one. I have 500 barrels of Zog’s. I’ll even throw in 10 cases of 100 Feddies Tribble Sweat.”
He must be desperate. He hasn’t offered ketchup as trade stock.
“I don’t know, Flipper. These torpedoes are pretty hard to come by. If you can throw in a few dozen barrels of Blood Wine to sweeten the deal, maybe we can talk.”
“Blood Wine? No, no Blood Wine here, sorry.”
“Okay, then have you got any Green to throw into the deal?”
“No Green…how about some Purple?”
Purple? What the Fek’lhr is Purple? “Well, I don’t know…how much of this Purple have you got?”
“I can give you 12, which is all I’ve got.”
Twelve what? Oh well, what the hey. I can always use it as trade stock. “Deal. You just got yourself the latest in surf wave makers from the Duras Sisters. Have your cargo chief work out the transfer with Kareless.”
“Roger that, Kahuna, and thanks.”
He switched off the comm and called up Kareless, my cargo chief. “Be sure that you get the wax on board first, and check some of the barrels to make sure he isn’t pushing more ketchup on us. That stuff is harder to trade than stem bolts.”
The Duras Sisters were rather pleased with the take, since they were due part of the haul. We weren’t celebrating long before I got the call from Kareless confirming that this time the stuff was Mr. Zog’s, so we went ahead and transferred the torpedo, while still receiving our goods.
Then the Winter Soldier hailed us again. It was Flipper.
“The last of your end of the deal is beaming over now. I hope you enjoy your Purple. By the way, someone has been filming my practice runs. I hope you don’t mind if I ask you not to follow us.”
“I wouldn’t even think about it.” No, not think, but do.
“Good…really appreciate your co-operation here. Well, that’s it for the cargo transfer. Gotta run. Winter Soldier out.” He cut communications.
I signaled Kohath to be ready to follow when the least expected thing happened. The Winter Soldier disappeared from our view screen. Somehow, Flipper had managed to lay his hands on a cloaking device. Who’d have thought.
Meanwhile, I received a call from cargo. It was Kareless.
“Everything all secure down there?” I asked.
“Well, um, yes sir, but about that Purple…”
“Yes, yes, twelve cases, right?”
“Well, not cases…”
Barrels? Even better. “Okay, barrels then, got them secured?”
“Not barrels, either.”
Not barrels?! “Okay, what ever the containers this Purple…”
“Not cases, not barrels, but Drazi.”
“Okay, so secure the twelve Drazi and we’ll sample one later.”
“Uh, Kahuna, you still don’t understand. He beamed over 12 Drazi, and they don’t look very happy.”
They?! “Are you trying to tell me he sent us 12 Drazi wearing purple sashes?”
“Um, well, yes, that’s exactly what he did.”
Just great. If they find out over at Little Green Drazi, my targ will be cooked. “Well, I guess you better find some quarters for them, and hid anything of that other color.”
“You mean green?”
“PURPLE!” I heard the Drazi call out in the background.
Well, maybe we’ll get lucky and the Drazi election will be over before we hit DS9.
Kahuna
